Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
