someone threw a dead crab at me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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