Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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