Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
