Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk is not a location!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
