I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
