she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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