Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
