i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
