there was a trapeze. enough said
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
