If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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