omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
