I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
