Sry I called you an 8
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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