gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
