So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
