i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
