drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
