Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
