onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
