My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fuck appropriateness.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
