yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
