We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
