We need to rekindle our bromance
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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