My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
