she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
