sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
