i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
