Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
