I wanna passion pit in your ass
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
