u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
