i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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