susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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