Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
