We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
