it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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