i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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