Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
