Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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