if i can run in heels then i can drive
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
