That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
