Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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