I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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