i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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