Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
