Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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