god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
