Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
