When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
