Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
