if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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